Home Mortgage Alliance Corporation (HMAC)

Ghosting. The ‘Irish goodbye’ is almost always unwarranted and just plain rude.

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Published Date 3/19/2024

Those of us old enough to recall the lyrics of a Simon and Garfunkel song remember: “You just slip out the back, Jack. Make a new plan, Stan. You don't need to be coy, Roy. Just get yourself free.”

There’s a name for it. That practice of slipping away unnoticed from a gathering without telling anyone you’re leaving? It’s a hotly debated practice, evidently often dubbed an “Irish goodbye,” according to Realtor.com’s Lisa Marie Conklin.

“Etiquette aficionados heartily disapprove of the silent, ninja-like parting and deem the move rude,” she says. “Devoted practitioners, however, claim the down-low disappearing act is a clever way of avoiding an awkward or prolonged fare-thee-well.”

How does this apply in the world of real estate, you may ask? Conklin admits that whether you’re a homebuyer, home seller, or something in between, opportunities to cut and run do crop up on occasion, and asks if it’s justified as a matter of expediency—or just plain bad manners. She offers several examples.

“If an agent isn’t meeting expectations or communicating as hoped, a buyer might opt for the trusty Irish goodbye rather than criticize a real estate pro,” says Conklin, who interviewed Portland, OR-based agent John Sielin. He says he gets ghosted a couple of times a year by homebuyers who are seemingly eager to list their houses—at first.

“After having that first one-on-one meeting and then delivering a comparative market analysis, they’ll disappear,” says Sieling. To make matters worse, he often later sees the home he spent hours on listed with another agent.

“Some people won’t always be upfront and are willing to burn your valuable time with no intention of ever doing business with you,” adds Sieling. It’s almost worse than interviewing for a job and then never being told you didn’t get it.

In this case, even though you might feel sheepish about parting ways with your agent, a direct approach will save you from the stress of hiding—and being caught. Why does this matter? Because many competing agents know each other, and ghosting an agent can lead to misunderstandings, delays, and frustrations for all parties involved.

The reverse can happen as well. While it’s hard to believe an agent might give you the slip, it does happen. Conklin cites Chicago-based Realtor Cam Doski, who realized his would-be clients were looking for a home that was impossible to find with the criteria they listed. “At first, I thought I could find a house that matched their wishes; but as we looked at more homes, it became clear their expectations were really high,” says Dowski.

Despite his efforts, it was akin to a wild goose chase. “It was tiring, and I started avoiding their calls and emails, because I didn’t know what else to do,” Dowski admits. But he also says that in his mind avoiding confrontation is nearly always a mistake.

“I realized I needed to talk to the buyers honestly about what was possible and what wasn’t,” he says. “Since then, I’ve learned it’s important to be clear with clients and talk openly about what they can expect.”

Where negotiations are concerned, a buyer might want money knocked off of the asking price because of a faulty water heater. Meanwhile, the seller might want extra cash for the brand-new appliances they are leaving behind. “The push and pull over money is often a frustrating and emotional roller coaster deserving of an Irish goodbye,” says Conklin, who asked Danny Johnson, a San Antonio-based agent to weigh in. Johnson said he once negotiated with an estate for a historic home. The process started in Johnson’s favor, with the estate agreeing to sell for $425,000—down from $495,000. But the sellers changed their minds, so it was back to the drawing board.

“It was excruciatingly painful to have to wait five days after each counteroffer to receive a reply,” says Johnson. So after two weeks, he gave the estate the Irish goodbye.

In this case, it’s a good, old-fashioned Irish goodbye with conviction. Call it chain yanking, or the little boy who called wolf, but these owners seemed like they never wanted to sell. “I ceased all communication with them, and the house is still sitting on the market nearly a year later,” Johnson reports.

As for closing escrow, everyone knows it can be a long and exhausting, months-long process. “As an owner, once you’ve gone through showings, inspections, and negotiations, you might be tempted to skip the closing and just wait for a fat check to arrive,” says Conklin. But avoid the temptation. Even if your state law doesn’t require you to be at the closing when you sell your house, being a no-show could have legal and financial implications.

Realtor, TBWS

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