2022: As the stomach turns — a treatise on how to get a tradesman to accept work

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Published Date 1/25/2022

Life can change on a dime. One minute you’re on Angi, HomeAdvisor, or Yelp! listing out a repair or remodeling job you want to have done, thinking ten different tradespeople will “bid” on it. The next, it’s you who is chopped liver, begging THEM to take the job.

“We don’t do small jobs like that,” they tell you, as if all they are interested in is remodeling half your house. Why can they be so picky? According to Wall Street Journal’s Kris Frieswick, it’s virtually impossible at the moment to hire anyone to do any repair, maintenance or construction work on your home, no matter how badly you need it.

“Right now, repair people are like the hottest kids in high school. Remember them? They were attractive. They had godlike skills at pretty much everything. The whole school envied them. They were utterly unattainable. And you, the pimply-faced freshman, stood by and looked on with a heart full of yearning as they strutted confidently past you toward their lockers.” (Full disclosure: What follows now just might be a great sit-com script.)

Thing is, begging for the cool person’s attention never works. So think “prom king/queen” instead. Frieswick breaks it down. First, get their attention by going where everybody knows their name. Is she kidding here? “Maybe, one afternoon, you just happen to be there (at their favorite bar) when they show up. You start up a casual conversation. Buy them a beverage. Or join their pickleball team, volunteer fire department, or book club,” she says. “DO NOT mention that you require their services. Just play it cool, for heaven sakes. Did you learn nothing in 10th grade?”

Now Frieswick goes for the jugular. “Only on the third or fourth seemingly casual encounter, when you both know each other’s first names and those of your spouses, pets and children, should you mention that your washing machine hasn’t worked in three weeks. Now that you’re pals, you’ll be top of mind when an opening comes up in, like, a month.”

Another tack includes bribery. If you are in the position to provide anything of value to the repair person in question that would get you on their radar, just do it? Frieswick asks if their child attends the same school as yours. “Think playdates, but cool ones like a trip to Disneyland, the nearby zip-line course, an Ariana Grande concert, or a very expensive dinner and a movie.” She draws the line if the kids actually hate each other, since that would be counterproductive. If so, turn to the spouse.

“Find out what the repair person’s spouse does for work and patronize the living heck out of the business. Do they have a favorite charity? Be a super-donor! Word will get back. You’ll come off as a thoughtful, generous, selfless person because you give and give and don’t ask for anything in return…yet.”

Assuming that is not an option, Frieswick gets down and dirty. “Conscript an intermediary: Remember when you asked your high school crush’s best friend to deliver a note to them that simply said “Do you like me? Yes or No” and all the crush had to do was circle one and return the note? Then it was game on! (Or, sadly, off.)

She makes this parallel with repair people: “Ask a friend who is already using this person’s services to make an introduction, but not an introduction like ‘Hey, my friend Jim needs you to fix his toilet.’ Make it less The Fonz and more Cyrano: ‘My dear, kind friend Jim has been having such terrible luck finding a good plumber and he’s been through all the usual suspects. He is just not satisfied. He’s very discerning. I’ve told him all about you and how fabulous you are and he said you sound like his dream come true. Are you interested?’” (Of course, a sweet-stringed, classical music background would help.)

Okay. So maybe it really IS all about the money. “ Once you’ve attracted their attention, promise to give your repair person what they really want: Cash On Delivery,” says Frieswick. “You might need to take out a small home-equity loan to do this, but it will be worth it, as you will mark yourself as “that customer who pays cash.” Just like footing the bill for the first date, you will present yourself as a discerning, generous individual who understands what it means to take care of that important someone.”

Get results with one of these methods? Great! But don’t forget to make them feel even more special once the job is over. Leave a glowing review on their Facebook page, website and their Angi listing. “Offer to be a reference,” she says. “Brag about how great they are to all your friends, who will be super jealous (bonus!). Call them two days after your appointment and tell them that you can’t stop thinking about them or the terrific job they did on your drain. Leave a long, warm, squishy trail of good will after that first job and you will be guaranteed a second repair appointment when the need arises.”

At the conclusion of her stand-up routine, Frieswick gets real. “Don’t be afraid to break up: Sometimes, that perfect Prom King or Queen ends up being more like a Joker. If, after all the hard wooing, you realize that your repair person is awful at their job, it’s better to end things quickly than to let it drag on until you’re both miserable. But one final tip: Don’t break up until you’ve found your next repair person. ‘Taking some time alone’ is the exact opposite of what you need when it comes to home repair.”

(...“Applause” sign is now lit. The crowd roars. Bow is taken.)

WSJ,TBWS

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